bloomsbury: This new feeling has not changed me...

Septiembre 21, 2006

This new feeling has not changed me...

This new feeling has not changed me, it has not made me happy, it has not given me any sudden illumnation, as I dreamed it would, any more than my feeling for my son did. It has also been no surprise. But whether it's faith or not - I don't know what it is - through suffering this feeling too has imperceptively entered into me rooted itself firmly in my soul.

I'll go on getting angry at Ivan the coachman, I'll go on arguing, go on expressing my ideas inappropriately, there will still be a wall between the inmost shrine of my soul and other people, including my wife; I'll go on blaming her because of my own fears, then repent; I'll go on not understanding with my reason why I pray, and go on praying - but from now on my life, my whole life, no matter what happens to me, every second of it, is not only not meaningless as it was before, but it has the incontestable meaning of the goodness I have the power to put into it!

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Posted by sarita at Septiembre 21, 2006 10:56 PM