Want
Some food for thought, mostly for my own purposes, given the status of current events. Perhaps not the most articulate source to quote, but it's workin' for me tonight.
Back in the day, the need to feel wanted was easily met: with marriage. But it has been decades since college, or post-college, satisfaction meant finding a spouse, and years since intimate relationships necessarily preceded sexual ones. The latter especially complicates our love and sex lives. We never know what a relationship-sexual or otherwise-means unless it is explicitly discussed. Even when it is explicitly discussed ("We can use words like boyfriend and girlfriend now, right?" or "We are not monogamous, but we are hooking up-at least until further notice"), intimacy levels are subject to difference and change. One person in a relationship may wish to spend every waking moment together while the other may thrive on some time spent alone. And while both partners may go into a relationship with mutual intentions, there is a good chance one will develop stronger feelings than the other.A recent study found that individuals with high instances of dependency have more positive feelings about intimacy, but stronger feelings about wanting control. On the one hand, the need to feel wanted makes us gravitate toward intimacy; hence the abundance of twentysomethings who get into relationships simply for the sake of being in one. But on the other hand, needing to feel wanted means needing to feel in control. So we keep multiple lovers on hand and let some, if not all, wonder endlessly about what the hell is actually going on in our heads. We avoid intimate relationships in favor of remaining in control, do whatever it takes to feel wanted.
Note to self: don't do this, 'kay?
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